Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Please Don't Kill Me

I have always been a little off, a little twisted. My momma says I was a handful growing up. If somebody says you’re a “handful”, it’s just a polite, Southern way of saying you are a pain in the butt.

I debated whether it is O.K. to say “butt” because I’m not sure if it is a cuss word or not. But then I remembered what the King James Bible calls a donkey, and I figured it was all right.    

My momma is a very intelligent woman; she has her Master’s Degree in early childhood education. While I was growing up, she tried everything she knew to get me under control, but I was still a handful. Eventually she decided to have me  evaluated. She arranged for some “professionals” with legal pads to visit my school and observe me throughout the day.

These experts told Momma that I had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – ADHD, which is just a big, fancy, clinical way of saying I was a “handful”. Momma already knew that, but I guess we had good insurance and  she wanted to have it confirmed.

I still remember the first time Momma ever talked to me about ADHD; she was so kind and loving. She sat me down, took my little hands in hers and looked into my eyes. Then she pinched my cheeks real hard so I’d look into her eyes. 

“Honey, you have a condition known as Attention Deficit….Look at me….Attention Deficit Hyper…LOOK AT ME!… Hyperactivity Dis…. Just take this little pill RIGHT NOW!”

“What’s it do?” I asked.

She knew I was too young to understand the chemistry behind it so she said, “It will help you to grow up to be big and strong and live a long life!”

Frightened, I asked, “Will I die if I don’t take it?”

She said, “No, honey, no. You won’t die... But somebody might kill you.”

After all these years, I am taking myself off my ADD meds. Midlife is the time you give your self permission to be yourself. I’m not sure that I am myself when I’m on the meds.

As I transition back to my natural ADD glory, I’m not sure what I’ll say or what I’ll do, but it will be me who says is and does it. Just please know that it is never, ever, ever my intent to offend anyone – except maybe the Amish – but that’s only because I know they don’t read my blog.


  1. I am soooooo proud of you! It takes a lot to offend me so you're safe around me! xoxox

  2. Thanks Tami, I'm glad you're not Amish:)

    I think the way that I'm most likely to offend people will be getting distracted when they're trying to tell me something. I always try to listen, but they'll say something that makes me think of something else and suddenly, my brain has disengaged from the conversation.

  3. I don't know about others, but I for one look forward to your being a handful! What better way to enjoy mid-life?

  4. Thanks Phil - I just hope that everybody else enjoys me enjoying mid-life:)

  5. Oh Ricken Noodle - you're gonna be fine. And if you're not, your MLRT family will definitely tell you. One for all - all all for crazy!

  6. I'm gonna give my Midlife Road Trip family a glass box containing all of my Adderall, and a little hammer so y'all can break it open in case of emergency.

  7. A. Glad your finding the real you
    2. The Amish don't have shiny things, so there's one less distraction.
    Finally. You could never offend us. Cause we're cool like that.

  8. Thanks Dawn for the encouragement, but as for not being able to offend you... well, I guess I'll just have to try harder:)