OCD Pre-Travel Cleaning Ritual

I love to travel.
I love my wife.
I love to travel with my wife.

But I absolutely HATE the pre-travel cleaning ritual that makes us late and adds stress anytime we leave the house for more than two days. We’ve been late to family reunions, weddings, and vacations. We once nearly missed our flight to Miami for a Bahama cruise. I even contemplated divorce the time we missed the first quarter of a Southeastern Conference college football game.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not opposed to the standard, dust, mop, vacuum and make the beds, kind of cleaning, but my wife’s OCD dictates cleaning beyond what normal people would call...well, normal. We have to clean the baseboards, the crown molding, behind the washer, behind the dryer, behind the refrigerator, inside the refrigerator, inside the kitchen cabinets, under the bathroom sinks, the basement - you name it. I didn’t even know that most of those were cleanable spaces.

I’m sure we would have had to have the septic tank pumped if she were to think of it. You would think Southern Living magazine were coming over to do a photo shoot of our house.

“Why is all of this necessary?” I ask.

“What if something happens to us on the trip. What if the plane crashes or what if the boat sinks and people have to come inside the house?” She replies.

“What do we care? we’ll be dead.” I say.

“But don’t you care what people will think?”

“I hope we’ll be remembered for more than how we kept house.” I say. “Do you honestly think people will be standing around the funeral home saying stuff like...

‘They seemed like such a nice family’
‘It’s so sad... so sad.’
‘Did you know that they found dust on top of their ceiling fan blades.’
‘You don’t say!?’
‘Not only that, they found dirty dishes in the dishwasher, cobwebs on the laundry room ceiling and two Cheerios under the refrigerator.’
‘No way, not the Griffins! They seemed so normal.’
‘It just goes to show - you never know.’"

We’re traveling to my brother’s home in Highlands, NC this Christmas. I would write more but I gotta go clean the garage.